Living Heaven (When It Feels Like Hell)

Every spring, I await the arrival of the Omega Institute catalog in the mail. I’ve only attended a program there twice, but the catalog inspires me. Even if I don’t sign up for a workshop, I find other uses for the catalog. For example, it’s good vision board material.

It took me more than a month to read this year’s catalog from cover to cover. I dog-eared some pages with the intention of signing up for a program and eventually selected a weekend workshop called Living Heaven Now with Anita Moorjani and John Holland. Anita, author of Dying to Be Me and What If This Is Heaven?, underwent a near-death experience in 2006 that transformed her life, and John Holland is a widely renowned psychic medium and author. I hadn’t heard of him, but Anita’s books and TED Talk resonated and inspired me deeply, and the combination of perspectives was compelling because she had crossed over and returned with a story to share about what she experienced on the other side, and he talks to dead people. I registered for the workshop mostly because Anita’s teachings focus on loving yourself and living your life fearlessly, and tender, loving self-care is what I am giving special attention to this year.

For me, the high points of the weekend were two guided meditations. Anita led a lengthy visualization based on her near-death experience in which we imagined ourselves on our deathbed with our loved ones gathered around. Before taking our last breath, we reflected on the life we led – the joys, sorrows, successes, regrets, etc. Then we let go and entered the nonphysical realm where we were without gender, race, culture, beliefs, grudges, judgment, etc. and were surrounded by unconditional love. We were greeted by someone (in my case, my mom) and then became aware of more loving presences around us – some we recognized and others we didn’t. We also faced the person who hurt us the most in this lifetime but interacted as two pure essences and acknowledged that we had a soul agreement that was based on deep love. In this realm, we could understand why everything happened as it did. Eventually, we learned it was not our time, and we had to return to our bodies to live our lives fearlessly. We were given a second chance at life, and what were we going to do with it? What would we do differently? What was most important now?

Needless to say, there were many tears flowing during this profound inner journey! Seeing my children gathered around my bed and knowing I’d have to leave them, being with my parents and other loved ones who had passed on, being with the person who had hurt me the most free of all human defilements and limitations and feeling nothing but unconditional love between us, learning about my gifts and purpose – each step of this inner journey brought a fresh round of tears, peace, and clarity. I felt like a waterfall. But it was good.

The following day, John led us through a “soul shift” process based on Pete Sanders’ work, that took our awareness up through our body, all the way to the top of our head, and then up higher and higher, into our soul essence where we could receive answers to any questions we had and communicate with loved ones in the nonphysical. It was a place of love, kindness, wisdom, and deep peace that felt very different from being in my head and body.

There was a lot of content presented and discussed throughout the weekend, and my biggest takeaway was an awareness of my gifts, talents, and abilities along with the realization that in order to use them to their fullest potential, I must learn how to manage and balance them effectively. To be clear, I’m talking about empathy, sensitivity, and compassion, which could mutate into overcaring, overhelping, and enabling. It’s important to keep these qualities in check so they will serve me and not drain me. Only then will I be better able to serve others, which is why I believe we were given our gifts and talents in the first place.

This wisdom came at exactly the right time and was put to the test hard-core and immediately in real life.

When I first wake up in the morning, my mind is like a coloring book page with faint, glowing outlines of some kind of cosmic blueprint or pattern. It feels great: A new day, a fresh slate with endless possibilities! However, for the past several mornings, the pattern quickly fills in with the heavy colors of this world, and my stomach ties itself in knots. I reach for a positive feeling or affirmation so the gravity of the world will not bring me down. The realization sets in again, as it does every morning lately: Someone I love very much is going through hell. Hell like I never could have imagined. Hell that I cannot fix. She (I am going to use the pronoun she for simplicity but not necessarily accuracy) is the only one who can do anything about it. I have tried to go back in time and figure out where things started to unravel, which is both natural and futile. Is there something I could have done to prevent it? These are not productive places to focus my energy and attention.

Mostly, I feel confused. What is true? What isn’t? What are the real issues? As a highly empathic person, I can’t help but feel my loved one’s pain. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, and the stakes are very high.

I suspect one of my lessons in this lifetime is to strengthen my backbone to keep my caring nature in check so I can do more good in the world. In many situations, my backbone is just fine, but sometimes it needs work because I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings. And just when I believe I’ve done the work and have a solid backbone, it’s as if the Universe comes along and says, “Ya think so? OK, let’s see how you handle this.” You could call it the Accelerated Learning Plan, and I’m beginning to believe it’s what I signed up for this time around.

I’m grateful to have the soul-shift technique in my spiritual toolbox along with many other resources that can help me navigate this challenging situation. Through meditation or “shifting” out of ordinary consciousness, I can receive answers that aren’t charged with fear. When I tune to that channel, I realize there is so much support in the nonphysical realm, and I am never alone. Neither is my loved one who is going through hell on earth at the moment. Synchronicities provide further evidence of this, and we’ve experienced a number of them.

The guided meditation Anita Moorjani led us through helped me to realize on a deeper level that we are both divine beings manifesting in this life, and her soul has reasons for experiencing this path – spiritual reasons that I don’t understand. I have to trust that her soul wants to learn and grow in certain ways and that on another plane, what looks like hell serves a spiritual purpose. Looking at the situation from this perspective does not diminish my compassion or caring, but it takes the edge off my anxiety and fear so I can discern more clearly the best action to take. I want my actions to be guided by love, not fear. Yes, the stakes are very high from our earthly perspective, but the universe is infinite, and from an expanded perspective where the ceiling is infinitely higher (if there is even a ceiling at all), things aren’t as dire as they appear to our small, human minds.

I expect that at the end of our lives, just like at the end of The Wizard of Oz, we will discover that we had the power all along. I believe that about my distressed loved one. We have no idea how powerful we are until we stop deceiving ourselves and giving away our power (by blaming others and making ourselves into victims) and start doing the work.

In the past 48 hours, I have had to practice tough love and say no when it was very hard to do so. I realize the importance of setting healthy boundaries and not accepting responsibility that isn’t mine. Resisting the urge to jump in and rescue. This is not easy for an “empath” to do, but it is necessary! Compassion is more effective when it is fused with wisdom, and empathy is more effective when it is supported by a strong backbone and an abundance of Self-love.

I realize it’s important to make time to go to that soul space where I know all is well so as not to get sucked in or drained by earthly drama. In that place, I realize there are much larger forces at work and so much more to the situation than I can perceive from where I stand, and it’s not up to me to try to make everything right. My job is to shine my light as brightly as I can by expressing my gifts, talents, and abilities to their fullest potential. Ironically, challenges help me to shine even brighter and to experience more of my divine nature and greater strength and joy. I might not be able to choose the circumstances I encounter, but I can choose the thoughts and beliefs that will help me navigate them. For example, I’ve learned not to ask, “What did I do to deserve this?” but to consider what my soul might want to learn from it or simply trust that there is some kind of soul lesson involved.

I remind myself throughout the day that “All Is Well”, even when it seems anything but well from where I stand. Remembering that alleviates the anxiety and fear and stops my mind from running in circles. Then I can get to work.


If you’re not doing so already, I invite you to follow me on Facebook and Instagram!


The photographs in this blog (except for those attributed to other owners) and in my Flickr photostream are available for purchase as prints or cards through my Etsy shop by selecting a “custom print” in whatever size you prefer and indicating either the name of the print or the blog post and order in which it appears.

© Susan Meyer and River Bliss Photography, 2017. SHARING IS CARING, and I appreciate my work being shared with others! Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Susan Meyer and River Bliss Photography (River-Bliss.com). Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material, including all text and photos, without express and written permission from this website’s author/owner is strictly prohibited. In other words, I put my heart and soul into my writing and photography and want to be credited for it and have some traffic sent my way. It’s the high vibration thing to do!  🙂