“When we know ourselves and pursue our own path, there is only one possible end to it and that is self-fulfillment.” -Sister Joan Chittister
There has been a lot of Big Stuff going on in my family lately between my mom’s pancreatic cancer, my dad’s sudden hospitalization and surgery, and my children’s father being diagnosed with lymphoma. It’s pretty crazy. When I called my spiritual guide for guidance, I learned that she had been in a serious car accident with her husband and was in a body cast.
What is going on here?
Well, the obvious answer is: Life. And, I imagine, quite a bit of transformation, too.
Dissatisfied with certain aspects of my life situation, I had been wondering for a while what’s next. Where does my energy want to go? And while that question still lingered unanswered, the above crises manifested. In the midst of it all, one day the words “mindfulness coach” suddenly arrived in my awareness. And I have been feeling drawn to work that is holistic and healing in nature – or at least a holistic, healing-oriented environment.
Two weeks ago, my dad was admitted to the hospital for surgery, and my sister and I took turns staying with our mother and visiting our dad in the hospital until he was discharged five days later. The first night I stayed with my mom, I had a fascinating dream in which I was walking along my favorite gorge trail in Ithaca, New York during the winter. I’d never been on it in the winter and began by driving (which couldn’t be done in waking life), but it was only plowed a short way. So I got out of my car and began walking the trail and was surprised to see that lots of other people had the same idea. (I didn’t realize you could access the trail during winter, and in waking life a large portion of that trail has been closed for several years). Some people had even set up their own personal spaces along the trail. At the top of a hill, two rainbows – possibly both double rainbows – appeared in the sky at the same time. I continued walking and ran into a woman I apparently knew. I told her of my desire to be a healer. She was an energy healer and immediately went into a trance standing only a couple inches in front of me, to see what she could pick up about me as a healer. Soon, it seemed another entity came through her. I felt the energy shift very strongly and physically. (It even seemed to jolt my actual physical body.) Then she put her hands together so her thumbs and other fingers were touching and formed a circle from which a lapis lazuli colored light emanated.
I’ve often heard that what you seek is already in you waiting to be discovered and activated. The essence of the thing you want to do (when you whittle it down to its core) need not wait until the future when you have more education or a different employment or financial situation. You can do it – and be it – now. For instance, a wise woman helped me to realize that my waking intuition and dream-time desire to be a healer doesn’t necessarily indicate a career change that would require me to go back to school (which really doesn’t appeal to me). It’s something I can do right now without changing any of the outer details of my life.
I have had enough life experience to know that my happiness ultimately does not depend on changing circumstances or conditions, but developing a harmonious relationship with the present moment – transforming reality from the inside out. Accepting responsibility for our own happiness implies not making excuses for why we can’t be happy now or putting happiness off until some future time when circumstances and conditions are finally aligned. My wise mentor encouraged me to realize that I already am a healer by the way in which I share my photography and interact with my students, family, and others. Being a healing presence does not require another graduate degree. It requires being present and allowing that presence to flow through me and make my own little corner of the world a better place.
I have received formal education in psychology, social work, and transpersonal psychology, and my first serious career aspiration was to be a clinical or counseling psychologist. I thought that was the only way I could help others to enhance their psychospiritual health. However, I think about my hair stylist and how uplifted I feel after an appointment with her. What my hair looks like is beside the point; it’s the way I feel after talking with her. She is a healer. Anyone, in any position, can be a healer via their authentic presence. What matters is that we can find something to love enough to continue doing our paid work so our authentic essence can flow into the world. We need to be aligned with the present moment, which is much easier than waiting for conditions to align! When we are aligned with “what is” right now, we experience joy. And our energy is a blessing to the world that can ripple onward.
Perhaps there will come a time when it feels right to make changes. But for me, that time is not now. Now it’s time to retreat into the sanctuary of the present moment and find peace, experience grace, and bring presence into action.
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